When I was just a kitten in those far-off days of yore
There were string-things to be bitten and to bat at with my paw
My eyes were blue and in their view
The world seemed big and new
There were lots of empty boxes to explore

My people told me I was cute my playfulness they praised
But I'll bet they often wondered why I’d act completely crazed
And abruptly zoom through the living room
As ‘though chased with a broom
If I’d told them why they would have been amazed!

But I wished I had a cat flap
And could do bad stuff outside
‘Cause I couldn’t reach the door handle
No matter how I tried
And the kitty litter made me bitter
I wanted something fitter
Somewhere to poo and still retain my pride

I grew to be a catly creature rich in dignity
My level gaze inscrutable and steeped in mystery
I'd meditate in regal state
And well appreciate
The sunlit virtues of passivity

One day my people came home and bad lots of bad loud noise!
I bolted from the kitchen, losing dignity and poise
I thought them mean to make a scene
But when my fur was clean
I went back in, and there -Oh joy of joys!

I found I had a catflap
And could do bad stuff outside
The dog will never use it
'Cause it's just one cat-width wide
The ground's not hard in the backyard
And I love the neighbour's garden
Somewhere to poo and still retain my pride

And now my fur has lost its luxury and I am old
The sparrows on the balcony have never been so bold.
They even trill on the window sill
I’d jump up for the kill
But it’s too high and besides the draught is cold

But at least I have a catflap
And can do bad stuff outside
The dog has never used it
'Cause it's just one cat-width wide
The ground's not hard in the backyard
And I love the neighbour's garden
Somewhere to poo and still retain my pride